Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
