New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
