When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
