i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
