I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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