Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
