you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
