i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
