he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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