dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
