you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
