3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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