you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
