A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
