Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
