youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
