I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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