i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
