i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
