Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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