Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
