I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
