Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
