look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
