Are we in a gay sports bar?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
