If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
