i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
