got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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