Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk is not a location!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
