if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
