I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My butt remains clenched, sir.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
