I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Banned from zoo.
Again?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
