He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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