Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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