Got a toothbrush?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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