Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
