So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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