The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
