Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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