I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This house was built for laser tag.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize