I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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