Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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