Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
someone owes me an orgasm
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
