fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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