Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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