sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
