I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
