oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
