His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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