Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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