so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
