Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Randomize
