Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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