I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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