I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
