did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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