apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
