Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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