drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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