The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
