it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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