why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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