The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i think im in europe. pls send help
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
