Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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