I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think people are normalizing furries
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
