Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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