Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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