absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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