In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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