im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
