I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I smell like Dick and happiness
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