I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
