Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.