You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
