i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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