Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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