im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i think my cat just said my name.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
