:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
