i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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